Q&A with Elisa Caro + homeplay practice to feel more alive, proud & connected with your vulva + vagina

Your relationship with your vulva and vagina matters.

It's a nexus of your confidence, pleasure, creativity, power. 

But what if you don't feel over the moon about your hoo-hoo? What if you feel a bit numb, distant, embarrassed, whatever about it?

How can you start to feel more confident, pleasure'd, in-touch, team-y with your vulva + vagina?

Elisa Caro, co-facilitator for the Empowered Pussy 1-day workshop, didn't always love her vagina. Like so many of us, she judged it, was ashamed and estranged from it.

How'd she move beyond that? Find out about Elisa's journey from weirded-out-and-ashamed to enamoured, loving, pleasured and proud.

And see below for the tried and tested homeplay practice to help you feel more alive, proud and connected with your own vulva + vagina.

Elisa Caro, Vinyasa Yoga teacher, a Tantric facilitator, Italian babe.

Elisa Caro, Vinyasa Yoga teacher, a Tantric facilitator, Italian babe.

Q. How do you feel about your vagina? Was there a time in your life where you didn't like it? How did you come to feel proud and happy with your vagina?

A. These days, I feel I have a great relationship with my vagina. It goes in up and downs, but overall, we have good communication which I feel is the key for having a healthy relationship with my vagina, my sexuality.

But it wasn’t always like this.

When I was a teenager, I remember looking at my labia and thinking they were too big, darker than the rest. I couldn’t tell if it was ok or not. I thought I had to hide my vagina from others because they would judge it. Like, I shouldn’t be proud of her. I could sort of accept her (like I couldn’t change her like I can change my hair colour), but I didn’t love her at a deep level.

I always felt guilty and ashamed of my vagina with partners. Especially when they would go down on me, I’d think ‘Oh my god, poor them! It’s gonna smell bad, it’s gonna taste bad.’ I couldn’t relax and enjoy partners giving me oral cos I was too in my head, not in the moment.

I remember thinking it was so dirty down there, I didn’t even touch myself. I let other partners touch me, but I wouldn’t. I was really estranged from my own vagina.

When I started my journey with Tantra, I did a course and the teacher gave us homework—I had to go home, get naked in front of a mirror and start to talk to my vagina, my vulva. Having a dialogue with her, we were to tell her positive things, like ‘I love you, you’re so awesome’.

And you know what? I didn’t do my homework. I said I didn’t have time. The day after that, the teacher enquired again and I said the same thing, no time. The teacher questioned me again and I realised I had been lying to myself—really, I couldn’t face my vagina. I couldn't’ accept that I didn’t like—let alone, love—my vagina, this part of myself.

I was sort of embarrassed, shocked and saddened by that. I felt a grief that I was so ashamed and disconnected from this part of myself that I knew was so important to my pleasure, well-being, connection to myself, others and the Divine, my creativity.

So that night, I went home, I opened my legs and looked at my vulva in the mirror and said ‘I love you’. And I cried. It was a lie. I told her the truth: ‘I don’t love you… I think you smell bad… You’re shameful.’

At first I was denying that I didn’t like her, and then I accepted that reality. That was the first step—realizing where I was at. Lying doesn’t help, so I was honest and our true relationship began from there.

I continued to do lots of exercises to heal and deepen our relationship. I spent time to get to know her, having a dialogue with her, touching, laying down and having a gentle hand on my vulva and just feeling her, smelling her and how it changed throughout my cycle and diet, noticing her health, her changes.

I also started becoming aware of when I was truly ready, wanting, to be penetrated. I realized  how until then I’d often rush myself, say yes to penetration before my vagina was really ready. It felt good, sure, but I was using her to get to pleasure quickly, rather than following her guide for how to access big, full and vibrant pleasure.

I realized how we could work together to travel to amazing landscape of pleasure, rather than her being my slave.

I took it slow, doing these exercises over years. The exercises didn’t feel like a chore—they felt like time I was dedicating to myself.

I spent time reading and researching about vaginas—their health, anatomy, history, pleasure, cultural contexts. I read, and I tested things out myself. I started to really get to know my vagina in all the ways I could.

Now, over time, I feel I have a great communication with my vagina—noticing how she feels, what she needs. I know her. We feel like a team, lovers, allies.

For me, it’s about communication, knowledge and connection—knowing her at deep level. This is what can transform your relationship with your vagina from one of estrangement, shame or total invisibility into loving, pride and pleasure.

A homeplay practice to feel more alive, proud and connected with your vulva + vagina

  1. Create a comfy, private space in your bedroom. Come into a mindful space—let your breath natural deepen, relax your body from head to toe and let your awareness come into the present moment.
  2. Lie naked in front of a mirror and look at your vulva. Keep breathing. Observing your vulva as if you have never seen a vulva before, notice everything you can about it. The colour, shapes, hair, lengths. Bring your curiosity and the ‘beginners mind’ to this process. Breathe.
  3. Notice how you feel about your vulva. What thoughts, feelings or judgments come up? Just observe them.
  4. Speak to your vulva and vagina—share how you feel about it. Perhaps it feels new, like you’re meeting someone for the first time, perhaps you feel weird about it, or that it’s fascinating, beautiful, powerful. Tell your vulva and vagina this! See what comes up.
  5. When you’re ready, begin to gently touch her and learn more about your vulva through your hands. Gently feel all around the full length of your lips, pubic bone, clitoris, opening, perineum, inner thighs. Explore. Notice the different sensations in your hands and vulva. This is exploration, learning, curiosity—no goals.
  6. Keep touching, allowing pleasure. Notice when (and if) your vagina feels really ready to invite your fingers inside you, mindfully. Don’t rush this. Listen. Don’t barge in—enter with total presence and gratitude. When your fingers are inside, keep that same curiosity of the ‘beginners mind’ as you touch yourself. Notice the different sensations in your hands and vagina. Allow your vagina and vulva to lead the pleasure—follow what feels good, interesting, curious.
  7. When your vagina is ready, slowly and mindfully exit. Again, with total presence and gratitude. Hold your hand over your vulva for a few moments and breathe. See if there are any messages or insights that come up. Breathe. And when you’re ready, close the meditation and open your eyes.

Hope you enjoy that m'dear. And keep exploring!

Let us know how you go :)

And to heal and expand your relationship with your vulva and vagina even more deeply, join us for the upcoming Empowered Pussy 1-day workshop. Any Qs, get in touch.