This week’s home-play practice is another Tantric self-pleasure exercise—this time about giving + receiving touch. So delish. (Click here to see the previous self-pleasure practice. You can read about how I first discovered the 'mindful masti' plus some ideas around it.)
Ok, lets get started.
Giving and receiving touch is something we do all the time. Like in meditation, bringing awareness to this simple act means you're able to expand your sensations, pleasure, connection in the experience... It's quite beautiful, actually.
Basically the exercise involves bringing your awareness to the sensations of a) giving touch and then b) receiving touch.
The exercise is a bit like the Beyonce dance meditation you received when you first signed up—it’s a moving practice (you’re not completely still) and you let your body guide you (rather than your mind). There’s a lot of pleasure and fun.
As you're doing this self-pleasure exercise, it can feel a little like that perspective shift you have when you look at an object with one eye closed and then switch eyes.
You look from one angle:
And then switch:
And you experience a different perspective:
I love this self-pleasure practice. Cos I'm connecting with myself and I'm doing such nice things to my body, I find it amazing for a few things: increasing my sensitivity to pleasure, growing my self-love + self-acceptance, healing body-image BS, feeling at-ease with myself and self-nourished… Plus all the other good things from regular meditation!
This practice has affected the way I have sex with partners too. I'm more in-my-body during lovemaking (not so in-my-head!), which means I'm actually able to feel more pleasure and connection with myself, with my lover. Pretty awesome.
Giving time + space to you and your oooh
So as with the previous self-pleasuring exercise, it’s about touching yourself with awareness and with an openness of possibility. Instead of aiming just for your crotch, your whole body becomes full of pleasure potential. You’re making love to yourself. It’s a self-loving, soul-nourishing practice…
As with most self-pleasuring practices, the genitals/orgasm aren’t the focus: it’s about play, adventure, pleasure, experience, connection, awareness… Involve the genitals if you want to, but enjoy the slow road getting there!
And no, your favourite porn site isn’t invited to this party ;) It’s just you. And you. And so much ooooh!
Double the pleasure through awareness: Here’s the how-to
First you focus on the sensation of giving, then receiving. Give each an equal amount of time. Focus your attention and enjoy...
- Get comfy in a nice private space. (You might be naked, you might not be)
- In whatever position you like, close your eyes and begin to meditate like normal. Become aware of your breath, thoughts, sensations in your body…
- When you’re ready, start to gently caress your skin. Start with somewhere simple, like your wrist.
- Focus your attention on the active hand (the hand that’s doing the touching). Put all your awareness into your fingertips and really feel your skin under your fingertips. Notice your hair, smoothness, temperature, weight, shape, energy of this part of your body. Observe it with the same curiosity and reverence as if you’re experiencing it for the first time!
- As the giver, play with your touch—what does it feel like to be a firmer? Slower? Softer? Pinchier? What feels good for you, as the giver?
- When you’re ready, let your touch flow into other parts of your body. You may like to include your genitals. What does it feel like to touch these other parts of your body? How does the skin under your hand feel here? There?
- Stay focused on the sensation of the skin under your fingertips: what your skin, warmth, contours feel like.
- Give it some time and when you’re ready, switch over to focusing on the sensation of receiving!
- Become aware of the part of you that’s being touched. Let all of your attention focus on that part of you that’s making contact with your fingertips, palm…
- How do different pressures feel? Nails? Pulling? Pressing? Where? Is it nice? Mmm, follow that. Observe!
- Feel the pleasure, drink it in! Relax into it.
- After 25 minutes or so, bring your self-pleasuring to a close and have a five minute post-sex snuggle with yourself. Relax, reflect. How was that for you? How did you feel?
You can do play with this awareness wherever you go.. In the shower, washing your hands, in the bedroom, sitting on the bus… Have fun with it! Switch between the roles as you please.
And invite the awareness you develop in this exercise into lovemaking with partners. See how your observation + awareness lets the pleasure bloom – both in giving and receiving touch….