My fave Tantric sex tips (that you won’t see in Cosmo or media) — Part one |

This week I thought I’d share some of my favourite sexy-time tips. They’re things I've discovered in my Tantra/conscious-sexuality adventures and may be a little different to the standard Cosmo/internet videos. Thankfully. I’ve tried and tested all of the practices and am sharing my top-scoring faves ;)  Lots to share, so I’ve made it into a series.

You can use these tips with partners, or for solo masti sessions with yourself. After all, you are your lover too, so make love to yourself! (In fact, see some self-pleasure practices here and here.)

Oo, and remember, these tips are ideas for possibility, not cookie-cutters on how to have sex. You are the sex god, so follow your body. These are just ideas to get you (and your partner) more into flow and experiencing more pleasure, play, connection, sexy bliss.

Whroar! Get ready.

Whroar! Get ready.

Here they are:

1. Authenticity.

This is about doing stuff you actually want to do, at the speed, time, approach that feels good for you. You and your partner will enjoy it sooo much more if you can flow with that genuine desire. Being a great lover is actually about making sure that you're enjoying yourself (that's a note for the ladies, especially). You end up being far more creative, generous, enthusiastic, sexy when you’re crazy about the activity.

Authenticity for your partner matters too! Whether it's BJs, flirting, dinner, kissing, butt stuff, check in with yourself and your partner to make sure it’s authentically working for both of you.

Yes, this all may require a bit of communication.


See this previous video post about maximising pleasure by following authentic desire.

And how do you know if you're authentically enjoying yourself? You'll know if your head, heart, body and spirit are saying FUCK YES! If they're not, ask yourself what needs to change (my leg is uncomfy, we're moving too fast, that's not my sweet spot, I don't actually feel like this right now) and move to something that does feel right. This means you have to take action/communicate. You'll both be thankful for it.

2. Coconut oil.

Holy shit, it's amazing. You can put it everywhere: mouth, pussy, hair, eyes (if that happens, accidentally), cock, everywhere. It’s like full-body lube. So much better than having a left-over sticky hand. Coconut oil is also super good for you. Nourishing, antibacterial, natural. See it's million other uses here. Love it.

Caveat: use non-latex condoms with coconut oil. Oil degrades latex, so make sure you've got the right equipment. 


Buy coconut oil (and non-latex condoms). You can get it from the supermarket! Organic, virgin is best. Get non-latex condoms from the pharmacy. Coconut oil is hard when it’s cold and liquefies when warm. Get naky. Take a small handful of oil in your hands and let the warmth soften it. Smoosh it where it feels good. Have heaps of fun.

3. Massage around the groin.

For females, our erectile tissue fans out beyond our clit and vagina: there are loads of nerve endings in the groin and sides of genitals. It’s also a very sensitive area for males and is often overlooked. Stimulating surrounding areas means more blood flow to the genitals and therefore more sensation (and pleasure!). This means more orgasmic potential! For the best vulva/vagina play, hand jobs, oral sex and yumminess, pay attention to the area around their clit/vagina/cock.


Giver: Warm up coconut oil in your hands and massage your partner’s inner thighs, bum, hips. Move into the pits of the groin (the dips where your inner thighs meet your genitals—see pic below). Start with light touch, then move to slow, deep, firm, masseusey strokes. Move between thighs, groin and then over time, include the genitals. When you eventually put more focus on the genitals (say a hand job, internal play), keep some attention on the surrounding areas. It’s so lovely/crazy arousing.

Also, ask your partner what feels good! Do that.

Receiver: breath, relax and feel the sensations. Let yourself feel pleasure. Forget feeling rushed or as if you need to get to genital stuff pronto. This is for you! Don't be shy to give your partner encouragement/direction: let them know what feels amazing.

Often overlooked, but this feels really good for males and females.

Often overlooked, but this feels really good for males and females.

Ok, stay tuned for more (I’m a tease, I know, hehe).


With love + coconut,