How are you doing? I hope spectacularly!
I am very well. Though I must say, prior to the weekend, I was feeling super anxious.
Though I’m loving my job, it's been really intense and I’ve been struggling with a person… I’d been feeling really overwhelmed, unconfident and out of my depth. Disaster/shame felt imminent.
Thankfully, I moved through this and thought I’d share what I learnt about letting go of control and trusting myself… My full self.
Letting go and trusting: 'you've got this'
So you probably know that I had clinical anxiety + depression for a number of years.
After lots of mindfulness and Tantra work, I now experience anxiety attacks rarely. I generally feel quite at ease + vibrant actually.
But I can slip back into anxiety sometimes too…
Sometimes I get really fearful and panicky and I experience my anxiety in an intense physical way. I have an anxiety attack! My chest gets crazy tight and feels like I can’t breath, my hands cramp and uncontrollably tighten into balls. It’s really sore. Sometimes my mouth cramps too and my lips purse up. This can happen for days.
It’s really annoying, painful and miserable. And it’s embarrassing when I have claw hands and a pursed mouth.
Anxiety attacks suck.
So why was I anxious this time?
My mind thought trouble was around the corner and I needed to fix it!
Basically I was afraid that I was gonna fuck up the week’s projects, I wouldn’t meet deadlines, I might not pull it off, people at work would think I’m a stupid noob, I would be average at the Yum Touch workshop…
I kinda tried some mindfulness stuff, but my mind was whizzing like a blender. It had shit to solve, pronto!
Hands cramp. Chest wheezes. Panic prevails.
Luckily I’d booked in a session with my Tantra mentor. We worked on my anxiety.
During the session I realized something:
I was relying soley on my mind to solve everything.
To figure things out, plan, determine, reassure, see the future, manage, solve, create, preserve, produce, connect, feel safe.
Cos that’s how we do things right? “Our mind is the most powerful tool we have.” It’s definitely powerful, but…
Well, we have a whole lot of other faculties to help us get stuff done, feel at ease, produce amazing shit, make the right decisions, create… Things like intuition, trust, energy…
My mind was being overworked.
It's amazing at what it does (logic, planning, identifying connections, etc.), but I was trying to use it for all these other things too. Things it just doesn't (and doesn’t need to) have a handle on.
I decided to trust the other parts of myself. Just to try it out.
My mind was clearly flipping out, so I was willing to give it a go.
Instead of tasking my mind with the duty of solving everything, I said, you know what? I’m just gonna trust that I’ll connect in with my flow on the day. The workshop's gonna be sweet // writing this very post: just let it flow // I don’t know how this project is gonna go exactly, but I know my schtick will kick into gear when it needs to.
Of course I still used my mind to do all the stuff it needs to do—plan the hell out of that workshop. Identify themes in the research responses. Be clever with grammar.
But by connecting with my intuition, trust, etc., I feel like I have an ally.
That the unknown + my ability to flow with it are my supports. Not my enemies. The blank is not something my mind needs to solve. I can do the work with ease. Flow.
So I realised, you suddenly feel a lot stronger when you’re using all of your faculties. Mind, intuition, energy, trust…
So how do you relate to your non-rational intelligence? Your intuition, energy, feelings, knowing...
Whether you're a mind-only or a full-faculty ninja, this is for you:
A goodbye-anxiety, hello-powerful-me practice to connect you with your full you:
- Observe what your mind is trying to take care of. Notice the things that are logical & in scope of what it can reasonably do.
- Say thanks mind! You’re a star, but I only need you to do the stuff you’re actually capable of.
- Feel into your belly. Your heart. Say, hey intuition, energy... Sorry for not letting you do your thing. You’re invited to do your thing. Please help my mind trust that you’re actually real / not gonna fuck things up? Thx. This helps your non-rational vim come to the fore a bit more.
If you do already let your non-rational power guide you, you can just say thanks! You fucking rule! Lets do this more!
- Open and connect with your energy. Intuition. Basically meditate: observe your physical sensations as well as your non-physical feelings. Have a masti! That’s good for feeling energy + getting it flowing.
- Let it move through you! Welcome it.
- Decide to actually trust your energy, feelings. Thank it, act on it.
I hope you enjoy inviting intuition & co. to the party! See what she has to say… She’s possibly your new best friend!
Sending ease + love,
Also, is this energy talk a touch too woo-woo for you? I know, sometimes I surprise myself with this stuff too! I'm gonna write more about this very thing in fact --
woo-wooness, power, radicalness, feminism... Soon, soon.