Avoiding Bad Feelings?
Often we *really* don’t like to feel bad and want to do everything we can to avoid the feeling.
And by ‘bad feelings’, I mean feeling sad, afraid, angry, confused, jealous, disappointed…
To avoid feeling this way, you might …
Thumb IG until you realise the time 😳
Watch Netflix and click ‘next episode’ every time the credits come up
Stand at the fridge and eat whatever’s reachable
Open the bottle of beer as soon as you finish work or get home
Watch porn. A lot
Be really busy all the time
Or whatever genius method of avoiding feeling you prefer…
But avoiding the feeling doesn’t make it go away.
Sometimes it gets worse or starts to get your attention through things like illness or perpetual relationship turbulence.
Because the feeling is creating dis-ease in your system. Things just stop working well — in your mind, your body, your relationships, your work...
When the disease gets so intense in these other parts of your life, you finally let yourself look at what’s going on. Because by now you kind of have to.
It’s totally understandable to want to avoid the feeling.
It doesn’t feel good.
But your feelings are not stupid.
They’re not a malfunction that are annoyingly cramping your style and seemingly ruining your life.
They’re intelligent. They’re showing up for a reason.
Like a blinking light on your car dashboard — it’s simply indicating to you what’s under the hood. Something needs your attention…
Rather than avoiding or ignoring the feeling, here’s what to do:
3 Simple keys for when ‘bad’ feelings come along
1. Let yourself come into contact with it. Notice what’s there…
First notice, what is the sensation of it?
Its size? Tiny, encompassing….
Its shape? Spiky, smooth,
It’s texture? Smooth, rough, airy…
Weight? Heavy, light…
Speed? Fast, slow…
It’s edges? Solid, fuzzy…
2. And then see what it makes you want to do. What’s your impulse when the feeling comes along?
Does it make you want to curl up into a ball?
Or lock yourself away in a room, safe from other people?
Does it make you want to never be seen by anyone?
It’s okay. You’re not wrong for wanting that. There is a reason why you feel that way!
Maybe you want to give yourself some slack and offer yourself some time for that safety or space you’re seeking (bonus: see if you can do this in healthy ways).
But don’t stop there.
The key is to notice what the feeling actually needs.
3. Dive deeper. when you’re feeling this, what do you really need? What would really make you feel better?
Do you need the feeling of warm arms hugging you tight?
Or to be told I love you and everything’s gonna be okay?
Do you need time and space just to sit and be?
If possible, give this to yourself. This is the first and most important medicine: that which you give yourself.
We may be wishing for it out there but the first and most important place to get it is from you.
That’s who’s love you’re really after at the end of the day. And all the hugs in the world don’t quite fill you up without the hug of YOU.
And then reach out for what you need from the people you love and turst…
May you get everything you truly want and need.
With love,
Caitlyn
If you’d like support to let yourself feel whatever’s under the surface, book a complimentary 30 minute discovery call to find out about 1:1 sessions with me. I use mindful-somatics and Internal Family Systems modalities. Let’s talk.
“Caitlyn has an incredible ability to quickly grasp what I’m experiencing and guide me through the many layers of my psyche, delving deep into core subconscious beliefs. Despite the discomfort of slowing down and looking within, Caitlyn’s presence and guidance made it possible. I really appreciate how caring and non-judgmental she is.”
