what to do when life, to-do lists & emotions feel overwhelming
Say you have a nice table. Oak. Has four smooth and shiny legs.
You can easily have a good shared meal with your friends and family.
It’s a solid table.
But what happens if it’s not a shared meal that’s on the menu. What if it’s a whole hairy elephant that’s gonna come sit on the table?
How would the table do?
It’d buckle, break and fall flat, right?
Well, your nervous system is like the table.
And life is a combo of nice meals 🍜 and elephants 🐘
Sometimes it’s easy to handle what life throws us (the nice meal). Sometimes it can be a little overwhelming (the elephant).
Suddenly being out of a new job…
To be together or not be together?…
Overcoming that jealousy…
Talking with your sister about THAT thing…
Giving the presentation…
Losing someone precious…
Dealing with grief…
Opening up and sharing about what’s really going on…
Dealing with negative inner self talk…
🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘
So if an elephant (or two) came to sit on your table, it would seem logical that it would become wobbly and strained.
It’s a natural consequence of bearing too much weight…
And this is what happens to our nervous system.
When we’re chronically overwhelmed 🐘, it’s actually our nervous system that goes into survival response: fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
The table buckles…
When we’re like that, we’re not relaxed or ‘regulated’.
When you’re dysregulated, You may notice you feel…
Tight, panicky or numb (not relaxed, open and alive)
On-edge, hyper-alert or overwhelmed (not balanced and within your capacity)
Super reactive and snappy (not emotionally balanced and able to respond)
Distracted (not able to concentrate and form coherent thoughts)
You either have no appetite or overeat (not a normal desire to eat)
You’re excessively thinking about the past/future or somewhere else (not feeling connected to the present time and place)
Your dial is set on ‘hyper speed’ or super slow (you’re not moving slow or fast according to what’s needed)
Drained (not rested and full of energy)
You’re operating in a narrow bandwidth of feeling (not accessing a full range of emotions and sensations)
That’s how you know you’re ‘dysregulated’ (your nervous system is overwhelmed).
Sometimes it’s not possible to easily remove the stress of life…
So what to do?
🥁🥁🥁🥁
Add more table legs.
How?
RESOURCING.
Resourcing is the practice of inviting the mind and body to focus on the felt sensations of safety, stability or nourishingness.
By attuning to an embodied feeling of “okayness”, you give this ‘table’ extra legs to be able to easefully hold the weight that the elephant brings. In other words, it gives the capacity to feel intensity and then come back to a state of calm while being in your body.
It follows the proven principle that what you focus on grows, so if you can give yourself a few moments to feel something safe, stable or nourishing YOU will begin to feel safe, stable and nourished. Not freaked out, wobbly or numb.
You can’t force your body to relax or feel safe. Only when your nervous system registers that it is safe will you actually relax…
This practice supports you to *actually* relax.
You’ll know you’re relaxed because your body (and nervous system) will show you: your breath will slow down and deepen. Your mind will quieten down. Your body will feel more here and now. You’ll feel more balanced and able to be fast or slow depending on what’s needed. You’ll feel full of energy. You’ll be able to feel a full range of emotions and sensations.
In other words, you’ll become regulated.
The key is to give yourself a few moments to focus on a resource and give your *body* time to soak it up. It doesn’t have to take long…
I’ve talked about how to resource here, but today I want to share some unusual ways I like to resource that you may give yourself extra permission to do too…
11 unusual ways I like to resource:
1. Taking a long, long shower and watching the water going down the plug
2. Having a long hug, preferably lying down
2. Snuggling with my cat
3. Looking at the trees moving in the breeze outside my window
4. Putting my bare feet on the earth
5. Stopping whatever I’m doing and letting myself feeeel whatever I’m feeling for a few seconds
6. Self-pleasuring
7. Watching nature documentaries (cats, small animals and leopards on IG will do too)
8. Calling someone who I love and trust dearly and talk about something real
9. Going to the forest with a flask of tea
10. Listening to music that lifts me
11. Placing a hand on my heart and saying, Coco, it’s okay. I’m here.
All these things add legs to my table.
The elephants are still there, but they don’t flatten me.
And when necessary, I add another resource.
And another resource.
And another.
So my nervous system is more like a catwalk for elephants, not a demolition zone.
Today I hope you will take a few moments to let yourself BE with something that feels nourishing. Stabilising. Safe.
You deserve to feel good.
If you have any questions about resourcing, reach out.
Caitlyn
P.S. If your nervous system is not enjoying so many elephants and you’d like support, book a 30-minute complimentary discovery call to find out about 1:1 mindful-somatic sessions (informed by Internal Family Systems). Let’s talk!
