40 year old boys. 40 year old girls.
Who we are as adults depends on what experiences we had as kids.
Our childhood is part of what makes us.
Nothing in this life is ‘perfect’, and this often includes our childhood.
But for some of us, we missed out on some significant things that stayed with us until now.
To know that you are loved even when you displease others.
To be held and supported when you feel scared.
To know it’s okay to feel scared.
To know that your emotions are not "too much" for others.
To know you are free to be yourself.
To trust that love doesn’t have to be earned.
To stumble and know it’s okay to fall.
And so on…
So we might still be carrying these themes with us, searching for the parent to still bring us what we need.
We are kind of like 40 year old boys and 40 year old girls…
We want to find wholeness and harmony, so we are searching for the missing pieces, the parent parts. As adults, we look for them in our partner, our work, the government or maybe a substance.
These child parts that are frozen in time may also be taking far more of a role in your life than you think.
How you’re showing up in relationships and intimacy:
Seeking love and approval?
Avoidant and guarded?
Afraid to be yourself?
Avoiding confrontation to keep the peace?
Those are parts that learned this in childhood.
How you’re showing up in work, purpose and business:
Excessively success-orientated?
Avoidant and afraid of failure?
Not sure you can do it?
Striving for perfection to feel worthy?
And so on…
Those are parts within that learned these protective behaviours in childhood.
These child parts never got what they longed for back then, so they’re looking hard for it in your partner, work, etc.
All that looking out there to be filled up never really does the trick though.
What these parts really need is to meet YOU. Your Self.
This is the true parent that will nourish, support and guide them. It’s the inner parent that will never leave them…
This is how you grow up and stop repeating themes from your childhood in your adult relationships and life — integrate your vulnerable child parts with your Self.
This is how you become mature. A king. A queen.
Do you find yourself stuck in patterns that feel all too familiar — seeking approval, avoiding conflict, striving for perfection, or holding back out of fear? These are the echoes of childhood wounds that still shape your adult life.
If you’re interested to move through this, find out about 1:1 online sessions and group work, informed by Internal Family systems.
With love,
Caitlyn
