"Hello sweetheart, I’m listening" — words said to my inner anxiety
I had a bad dream. We were in the park and someone was stealing my bag which had an eggplant (which I really don’t like) and my bankcard in it.
I woke up feeling stressed. A heaviness in my chest.
My subconscious was showing me something is not settled inside me. Something needs my attention…
With my head on my pillow, I kicked myself free from the tangled duvet.
I glanced at the time. 7.47am.
What do I do now?
I could so easily reach for my phone and thumb a few things to take my mind off it. Maybe look at my schedule or get back to some emails while my head is still on my pillow…
Yes, that would be soothing: distraction means I won’t feel what’s happening inside me so much 😅😅😅
And yet, to do that would mean just pushing it under the surface of the water, where it will pop up again eventually.
Repressing the feeling actually takes a lot of energy and the feeling itself is storing a lot of information and energy that can give me POWER.
credit: Jason deCaires Taylor
I don’t want to live a life where I’m avoiding myself… Fighting myself.
So I decided to meet the heavy feeling.
I swiveled out of bed, put on my Ugg boots (cold feet and me are not friends!) and plonked onto the couch. I put my meditation timer on so I could relax knowing this would be a maximum of 10 minutes.
With a hand on my heart, I inwardly said to the feeling, "Hello sweetheart, I’m listening."
I waited. Gave it space. Felt.
It wasn’t saying much, just still this achey dullness in my chest.
So I went with it, just feeling.
Then I felt like crying. It was sadness.
Okay, let’s be sad then.
No tears came, but I let my body gently shake. I breathed deeply with some loud sighs.
I made more space for the feeling… It could take up the whole room if it needed to.
What do you need?
No words or obvious things came — this part was not really into ‘talking’. But when I asked the question, a spaciousness opened up. It was communicating to me through feelings.
This part was so relieved to be asked, to know that it matters…
The tightness softened. Relief. I could feel love gently rising like a winter sun..
A new bridge had formed between me and this part. What a beautiful moment.
Whereas before it was a little bit lost and adrift inside of me, like an untethered buoy in the ocean, now it was connected to mama Coco.
This was a beautiful moment, but still I know this sadness part is not ‘complete’ with me. This was just the beginning — there is still more it needs to share with me, to unburden.
But for now it knows it has my attention and my care. It knows it can communicate with me, rather than desperately attempt to get my attention through a dull ache in my chest and disturbed dreams.
I’m listening, love. I’ve got you.
My timer dinged. I took a breath. I looked out of my apartment window at the autumn city outside. Another breath. Then I went to put on my gel eye patches and make morning cacao.
The day has started ❤️
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Do you sometimes wake up with heavy, confusing or numb feelings?
If you want support to let yourself digest and understand these feelings (they have deep and empowering information and energy for you!) let’s talk about 1:1 mindful-somatic sessions (informed by Internal Family Systems). You can book a 30-minute discovery call with me (free).
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