A secret I learned from the African women in Gabon
I need to start by disclosing that I haven't been the world's most relaxed person.
In fact, some have described me as sometimes a little uptight.
I've had a tendency to float up to my head. And get stuck there.
It's the part of me that wants to control things, to say and do the right thing at all times.
(It's a safety mechanism I'm still in the process of re-writing.)
Tension in my jaw and tightness in my heart (literally cramping my style) is some of what inspired me to get into somatic and sacred sexual healing work — to come back down into my body and relaxxx.
To be in the present moment rather than thinking-thinking-thinking my way into perfect futures.
To just be myself. Naturally.
When I arrived in Gabon, Central Africa to study the Bwiti tradition, I was amazed.
These women are so relaxed, no matter what's happening.
No matter what time of day, or what they're doing, they're never stressed.
If things are working or things are falling apart, there is a level of ease in them.
And you can see in their bodies just how relaxed they are.
When they dance, everything is fluid.
When they sing, their throats are tension-free and open.
It's not just genetics, it's how they hold themselves.
They have a looseness and surrender inside them.
Vibrations are contagious so I like to spend time with these women, knowing that they rub off on me. (The Law of Attraction.)
I also have the mind of an anthropologist, so I'm always observing to understand...
How are they so relaxed? What's their secret?
I watched as Gracia got up from the couch to fetch something from the kitchen, walking at the pace of dripping honey.
I watched Stacy shake her tail-feather during Bwiti ceremonies, her *everything* moving in all directions.
I watched as Edith was overcome with the pain of a family loss and she fell to the ground sobbing, letting life rip through her.
I watched as they sat together, asses firmly planted on the hard wooden bench, knees comfortably swaying like trees in the wind (they never sit with knees held together).
I watched as Poupette cracked jokes and the women fell on each other laughing — even their eyes and mouths were loose and fluid..
How do they do this?
Then, I noticed something.
For most of us, the times we get tight and contracted is when something overwhelming, scary or shocking happens.
In the context of life, you might call these overwhelming, scary and shocking things problems.
Health problems, financial problems, political problems, relationship problems, problems with the washing machine... There are many flavours of problems.
There's often a tightening in response, nearly as if we're about to get in a fight with the problem.
And this tightening echoes out into our lives... into our stride. Into our smiles. Into our dance.
These women have a secret which means they don't tighten — they stay relaxed.
It's simple, but profound.
*Every time* I'd say something about a problem I had, they'd say to me...
Ça va aller.
It's French for, It will be okay.
("sah vah ah-lay")
It... will... be... okay...
The broken washing machine.
The war in Ukraine.
The illness of a loved one.
A bill that just arrived.
The missing cat.
Ça va aller. It will be okay.
And they believe that. They know it.
Do you want to try it...?
Think of one problem you're facing right now.
What would happen if you truly, in every cell of your being, let yourself know that everything will be okay?
It
will
be
okay.
Do you notice anything in your breath?
A feeling in your chest?
An openness in your shoulders?
Spaciousness in your mind?
Something else?
Ça va aller. It will be okay.
It's their secret.
Their special code that's part of why their hips are so loose, their laugh is so big and their song is so loud.
In peace,
Caitlyn + the relaxed African ladies
For more information about the Bwiti tradition and intiations in Gabon, see here.
To find out about 1:1 somatic sessions for healing the nervous system and RELAX, find out more here or get in touch.
