Since I was 12, I’ve kept myself secret from my parents.

 We’ve shared life together since then, but yet, I wasn’t there. Not the real me.

What I showed them was a palatable Caitlyn that wouldn’t ruffle their feathers and put me at risk losing their love.

As a pre-teen with a trainer bra and stack of Young Adult fiction, I started wanting things that good Christian girls shouldn’t want. I wanted to go to parties. Drive cars. Have sex. Drink alcohol. Experiment. Experience LIFE.

I didn’t feel I could share this with my parents because they would obviously tell me to stop it. That behavior risked my eternal life! They’d be disappointed.

But my authentic curiosities were brewing and I didn’t want to shut them down…

So I began the rest of my life in secret.

Her body remained, but Caitlyn disappeared in front of Mum and Dad’s eyes in the year 2000.

In her place, I created a mask called ‘Caitlyn’ which I’ve kept alive till age 31.

This mask means my parents have known little of my teen and twenties life. They haven’t really known ME, including the super important and meaningful things to me.

Until this documentary came out and with it, I have come out.

This is a film about being a devoted Christian who slams the door on the Church—against my parents' hopes—to pursue a path of sexual freedom and love, directed by Zoe McIntosh.

Contemporary adults are pretty afraid of emotion. We deny, avoid and distract ourselves so we don’t feel. Until we let ourselves feel emotion FULLY, we remain its slave. This Uzbeki babushka reminded me that in order to be free, I must FEEL.

With photographs, drawings, poetry, and artifacts from live performances exploring the shamanic work of healers in Ukraine’s Carpathian Mountains, The Book Of Molfars is the first collaboration between myself and artist Mar Lebou.

Director Zoe McIntosh is creating a documentary about my journey through Christianity > severe depression > sacred sexuality and the work and art I make now. It’s called My Break Up with God. Out later in 2019! Stay tuned.

Go from anxious tail-spinning into power with my favourite tried and tested practices.

You powers extend beyond your logic and IQ. Find out how to tap into them and breathe with more ease and trust.

Recently, my world turned upside down. I met someone suuuper special and my reality has been thrown into a new relief… Questioning everything I think I know is 'true' or 'likely', I’ve started to realise anything is possible. That the grandest joy and love is really possible—in relationships, career, life. This upside-down, inside-out stuff has also meant that I’m moving countries and going full time with my own projects to be with the man I love. I’ve been abjectly terrified of change, the unknown… And yet, making decisions based on fear, staying stuck, doesn’t appeal. After speaking to mentors, doing iboga twice, asking the cards, asking business advisors, querying entrepreneurs and artists, asking MYSELF — I wrote a blog post the lessons I gathered in taking a deep breath and leaping off the edge to follow my heart. Surrendering to the mystery. About the divine support we (YOU!) have, always, always, always.

You’re entitled to give no fucks and just trust you’re enough now, tomorrow, always. The people who really love you, never stop loving you. Read our latest blog post to learn to stop worrying about what people think of you and follow your joy. Now's the time!