Too busy to feel (and what 10 seconds can do for your power, peace + pleasure)
Sitting in my pyjamas, I mopped up the last of my salty soft boiled eggs. I looked at the time, I gotta get in the shower already — I have things to do and places to be!
Making my way to the bathroom, I walk-and-sipped my lemongrass tea, carefully avoiding getting tea on myself, floor or walls.
Just as I had my hand on the handle of the bathroom door I realized how panicked I felt, kind of like I had a swollen balloon in my chest, full of bursting and thick air.
Actually, I had woken up with this anxiety and it had stuck with me all throughout breakfast…
There was a part within that said, Get moving! You don’t have time to feel, you’ve got shit to do! Go wash your hair!
But I knew I couldn’t live a whole day feeling like this. The feeling wasn’t going anywhere…
I turned away from the bathroom and sat heavily on my bed.
Inwardly, I turned towards the feeling. I became curious to notice What were the sensations? What was happening there?
I put my hand on my chest and took a few moments just to feel it, fully. Not looking away, not turning the dial down. Just being with my reality.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Then I asked the feeling, what’s going on?
I listened.
The feelings became louder and I understood them:
This part feels overwhelmed.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I get it. From the left to the right, top to bottom, things don’t feel easy right now. This part doesn’t know what’s coming next. It’s scary and there’s a lot to manage.
I told this part that I get it. I get why you feel this way.
This overwhelmed part took a breath when it heard that. It didn’t feel so alone. It could feel me there with it, an ally. It also loved the feeling of my hand on my chest. So soothing, so still, so warm.
And then by itself, without me trying to do something to it, the feeling began to change. It no longer felt like an about-to-pop balloon, nervous and vigilant. I felt more space, more ease. I could feel my heart more. The day seemed to be more fun…
This was after just three minutes of turning toward this feeling…
Feelings want our attention... They have information inside them.
They’re trying to tell us something. That’s why they’re popping up — like the fuel light on the dashboard of your car.
These feelings carry wisdom that will help you make the right decisions in your life. Feelings that will help to guide you to live the life you *actually* want.
By turning toward them, these feelings can support you to…
Be authentic with yourself and others
Say what is real
Soothe wounded parts that need some tenderness within yourself (and who otherwise create resistance and isolation in your life)
Make choices that support you to feel more ease and love
Feel more balance in your system (mind, body, heart)
Come into more balance and truth
Create more space for joy, trust and peace (what naturally happens when you aren’t harboring sadness and anger)
Feelings don’t go away by being ignored.
They simply get louder, eventually becoming anxiety or health problems that you really can’t ignore.
To become masterful in how we navigate life, we need to turn towards our feelings… (This doesn’t mean getting swamped and lost in them either.)
But why do we have these parts that really want to avoid feeling?
Because for these parts, to turn toward the feeling feels dangerous.
Not only does it feel uncomfortable to feel jealousy, rejection, or sadness, there are often deeper more vulnerable feelings underneath that this part knows can get agitated… like feelings of unworthiness, unsafety, or being unlovable.
Those are often the really scary feelings. So it’s better just not to feel at all.
Quick — look this way — you have another appointment to prepare for!
It’s not to say that you need to spend all your hours feeling feelings, crying or smashing a pillow.
Sometimes all you need is 10 seconds to clock the feeling. To be with yourself. With the sensation. With reality.
When you let yourself, FEEL what’s happening now, important things happen:
The feeling either gets digested and release or it starts to be something that’s working with you, not against you
You become an ally to yourself — you take the position as captain on your own team. This is extremely empowering and self-loving
You realize you are bigger than the feeling and you’re the boss here (you don’t have to subconsciously run from them and you can manage the feelings so they don’t overwhelm you). You become the boss of your life
You start to lead your life from your (wisest and most mature) Self, not just the scared or resistant parts who are currently calling the shots
You become more present and authentic rather than denying what’s happening here and now (this has huge positive impacts in your relationships, sexuality, work, pleasure)
Here are 6 keys to letting yourself FEEL and gather the wisdom from the feeling
Whenever you can, notice your physical sensations and feelings — what are you actually feeling now? Paying attention to what’s here and now within you is the start of everything. This is the core of mindfulness.
When you notice yourself feeling something, let yourself take a few breaths to really FEEL it. What are the sensations? What is its size, weight or shape? What does it feel connected to (sadness, anger, something else?)
Let this feeling know it’s okay that it’s here and make space for it to be there and let it express itself. Let yourself cry, breathe, move, shake and make a sound…
Let this part know that you’re listening — pay attention to what this feeling is about.
You may like to place a hand on your chest to resource yourself and let yourself know that you’re here in support. Breathe with it.
If there is a part of you that wants to rush so you don’t feel this, just let it know that it’s okay and we’ll just be here for a moment to feel (it’s not going to be forever).
Often, when you let yourself feel the feeling, it gets digested and doesn’t feel so heavy or overwhelming. You can feel lighter, more in your stride..
Sometimes, it shows you there is something deeper which might need a little more time and space to digest. If you can, give yourself that time and space.
If you feel you need extra support, reach out for 1:1 support in mindful-somatic online sessions (informed by Internal Family Systems).
“I really felt a deep shift in me, a sense of more spaciousness and freedom. This brought more curiosity towards myself and questions of what within me is *actually* leading my life. It’s really empowering to do something for yourself and get to know yourself better. I love being given enough space to explore what I need and what comes up…”
