What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Often, the way we end up seeking out a therapist or practitioner is because some part of us is causing trouble in our life or relationships.
Maybe we want to get out there and *participate* in life, but there’s a part of us that’s really depressed and finds it hard to go to work or turn up to parties and smile through conversations with friends.
Maybe we really want to have a deep and intimate relationship, but a part of us keeps creating distance through sexual hang ups or avoidance.
Maybe we want to be real and show up authentically, but there’s a part of us that thinks we need to please everyone else and make sure we stay ‘acceptable’.
Maybe we want to succeed in our business and art, but there’s a part of us that keeps procrastinating and keeping your light dim so no-one can see you
Does it sound familiar? You want to live your life and shine brightly, but there’s a part within that has another agenda…
These ‘parts’ are what Internal Family Systems (IFS) addresses. IFS is a psychotherapeutic model developed by Dick Schwartz that understands that we have many different parts and if we can find harmony with these parts, everything changes.
There are no ‘bad’ parts
It’s easy to feel that these parts are ruining your life. The part that makes it impossible to get an erection… The part that is chronically anxious... The part that inhibits your creative spark... The part that makes it hard to find and keep a relationship…
The thing is, these are not ‘bad’ parts. In their own way, they’re trying to protect you in the way they know how. They’re trying to keep you safe from rejection, abandonment, shame, grief… *this* is how they’re achieving that.
Actually, this part has been doing their best in their own heroic way. Its particular strategy may have worked really well for a while, but now it’s undermining other parts of your life.
Through IFS, these parts can come to understand that there is a healthier way to keep you safe so they relax and start using their energy in positive ways in your life.
Parts relax and find their healthy expression when they meet your Self
These parts can be really diligent when they’re doing their job to try to keep you safe. They have a kind of tunnel vision where they just focus on what they think they have to do to keep you safe.
For example they might work like this:
“Criticize her so she doesn’t feel confident to start anything new — that way she will never face rejection.”
“Keep her so busy she never actually feels the sadness inside.”
“Focus so much on meditation that he never thinks about what happened in his childhood.”
“Get so angry that he feels powerful.”
When the parts are in this extreme tunnel vision, they have no idea that YOU are here to keep yourself safe now. They didn’t get the update to know that they don’t need these strategies anymore (strategies they figured out how to use when you were really young). These parts are often too in their tunnel vision that they can’t see or feel your Self yet.
Your Self is an intact part of you that can never be taken from or added to. It is whole. It is the seat of consciousness, the true observer and leader within you. When you operate from the Self, you can engage with your parts — and your life — in a balanced and harmonious way. This means more emotional regulation, inner peace, and authentic expression.
When your parts meet this Self, they can come to naturally relax and your whole inner system can find harmony.
In IFS, we let these parts feel YOU so they can naturally step out of their extreme role and let you lead.
How does IFS work?
1. We identify the parts
In IFS, you learn to identify and communicate with different parts of yourself. For example, the part that’s highly ambitious and the other part that’s critical or fearful. Mapping and understanding what’s actually happening — and which parts are trying to be in charge of your life —can be a gamechanger in itself. Rather than it just being a knotty mess of stuckness, you start to be able to shine a light in the dark and see what’s happening.
2. We befriend the parts
Once you’ve identified the parts, you can begin befriending them by understanding their roles, and addressing any burdens they carry from past experiences. Often we can be in a kind of ‘war’ with these parts, so this can be a revolutionary and deeply healing process.
3. Meeting the Self and letting it lead:
IFS emphasizes the concept of the “Self” — the core of who you are. Your Self is compassionate, curious, and calm, and through IFS, you learn to lead your internal family from this centered and empowered place. When your Self is in charge, you are naturally more peaceful, present and full.
If you’d like to find harmony with your parts and want to work with a practitioner in an IFS-informed way, find out about 1:1 sessions with me. You can also ebook a free 30-minute discovery call to see if it’s right for you.
“Since starting this work with Caitlyn, I feel like a different person, my ability to make decisions is easier, as I now have a methodology for doing so. I understand myself better and can quickly assess why I am feeling a certain way. This results in greater confidence and self-acceptance of all parts, physical, emotional and spiritually.”
